It’s forecasted to be 100 degrees this weekend. I’ve got plans to sit in a cool movie theatre for 4 hours watching the documentary “Magic Mike”. Yes, that means I’m going twice. When it comes to Channing Tatum, once is never enough.
I’ve been at my job for the past 5 years so it’s been 5 years since someone has asked me what my 5 year plan was. If you ask my 60 something colleague, my 5 year plan now includes me marrying a 45 year old gay man. You see, she doesn’t seem to think that I will land a husband in the next 5 years (to be fair, I have done a really bad job of it on my own in the last 30 years. Do I even have to mention the 12 month foray at match.com?), so she’s encouraging this non-conventional relationship a la The Next Best Thing with our 40 year old gay colleague. She even threw in some adopted children for me and my gay husband to take care of. I agreed, on the condition that she would marry us after getting ordained on the Internet AND be godmother to our children, a boy and a girl, for free babysitting.
My future husband came to my rescue yesterday when my car wouldn’t start. Thankfully, I was stranded in my driveway with a dead battery instead of Priscilla’s parking lot, which may or may not have been my destination. I had to direct him to the nearest Auto Zone so that I could buy a $150 battery (something that the Honda dealership suggested I replace when I was there last month for an oil change, but what do they know about cars?), return to my house for him to give me a jump with jumper cables borrowed from a neighbor, and finally return to Auto Zone for one of their employeese to put it in for me. ALL in the rain.
To thank my knight in shining armor, I treated him to dinner at Three Amigos, a way better Mexican restaurant than Uno Amigo or Dos Amigos. I had a $2 Corona and chicken fajitas. We’re returning to try and beat the record of 19 enchiladas on all you can eat Thursdays.
I’ve been 30 for exactly one week now and I’d like to make a return. It’s not fitting well. I don’t feel like 30. Other 30 year olds I know have their shit together. They have careers instead of jobs. They celebrate 4 years of being married instead of 3 years of being single. They have savings accounts instead of every day being a rainy day. They have children instead of acting like them.
In case you couldn’t tell, I’m not handling it well.
While Yale University was celebrating their 25th class reunion last month, I was in New Haven, Connecticut to be reunited with old friends Lena and Claire.
Lena’s Cafe and Confections gold coast panini: turkey, avocado, sprouts, tomato, bacon, cheese.
Claire’s Corner Copia signature dessert: Lithuanian coffee cake, made with love.
How cool is this alley?!
It was odd to be traipsing around New Haven and catching up with old friends without my favorite New Haven friend. This one is for you Fried:
I’m going to Las Vegas this weekend and opening Club Hymen. It will be hard to get into.
This weekend while in Fabulous Las Vegas, I’d like to have a different identity. For the next week, I’d like to be called Jamie Rainbow and force unsuspecting restaurant hosts to announce that the Rainbow party of 5 should follow him/her.
Yesterday I had to go to the mall for Las Vegas essentials, like Spanx and fishnet stockings. While there, I decided to get my eyebrows threaded, in the kiosk next to the teeth whitening and sunglasses. For $12 and less than five minutes with some dental floss, my eyebrows look fantastic so who cares if shoppers were ogling me. Think of it as good practice for making a spectacle of myself a week from today.