I think I roofied myself last night. One minute I was home alone watching “SATC 2” with a Not Your Father’s Root Beer and the next thing I know it’s the next morning. I’m certain during the course of the night Ray held a mirror up to my face to make sure that I was still alive. I had many colorful dreams during that twelve hour shift of R.E.M. I had a dream that I wanted to text somebody a Happy Labor Day but I couldn’t because it was well after Labor Day. In reality, I haven’t texted this person for two months and I feel like I deserve the equivalent of those AA chips they dole out to recognize sobriety milestones.
“Hello, my name is Jamie and I am a love-aholic.”
“Hello, Jamie”, a chorus of gathered hopeless romantics in a dingy church basement would sound.
“It’s been two months and three days since I last texted a guy”.
At that point during my admission, my sponsor would bestow upon me a token. It’d be shiny, naturally.
At certain points during my six year hiatus from dating, I wonder what my elementary school husband is up to and how binding those playground nuptials were.
It feels like I ran away from home and made it as far as the neighbor’s house. I’m at a new job but doing the same thing I had been doing for the past eight years at my old job, except with a different cast of characters.
There is only one name written on the walls of my heart.
In chalkboard slant
I write his name over and over again,
like a lesson learned the hard way.
I write until his name transforms into a new
I write until my hand numbs.
Would that I could
erase all the years of lust, ghostly clouds falling to the floor.
Kids, unemployment is the worst. After being without a job for almost six months, I’ve learned a few things. So gather ’round and listen up.
1) Resumes should be updated all the time, even if you have a job because you never know when you’re going to need it. Don’t let your resume get dusty! Bring it up to speed and kiss Times New Roman goodbye. Calibri is the way to go. In 11 point font. And don’t add your address because you never know what creepo hands it may fall into. A resume is no more than two pages. The local library offers wonderful programs for job readiness. You can even schedule a one on one appointment for a resume review with someone at the Job Help Center at the Main Library if you live in Charlotte. Charlotte Works is another helpful resource.
2) In addition to your resume being hip, your LinkedIn profile should be with the times too. If you don’t have LinkedIn, get one. Recruiters are on there scouring for potential hires. The library even has classes on LinkedIn if you are new to the “Facebook for jobs”.
3) These days, networking is vital. How are you supposed to get a new job if you don’t tell anyone you are looking? It’s no longer about who you know, but who knows you. So leave your house and go talk to people! Make a point to connect with people everywhere, at the grocery store, in line at Starbucks, at your kid’s soccer game, at your neighbor’s cookout, etc. Even if your neighbor can’t help you out with a job, she can point in the direction of someone who can.
4) Job hunting is no different from online dating. The same algorithms are used so have in your resume what employers are looking for. Use the job description to extract keywords. Tailor each resume to the job you are applying for. I know this sounds like a lot of work, because it is. Just do it! Just like with dating, it’s all about selling yourself and expressing why you are the best fit for the company. Mention awards and glowing remarks from a performance review. Like a captivating online dating profile is a tool to land a date, a resume is a tool to get that coveted invitation for an interview.
5) Don’t include your graduation date. It will only serve to age you. Only include hobbies/activities if they are relevant to the job you are applying for.
6) Save the cover letter for showcasing your personality. Make it stand out. If you are funny, be funny in your cover letter. It’s your chance to let hiring managers see how awesome you are and how much fun it would be to have you around the proverbial water cooler.
7) Call in the professionals! If you haven’t had any luck on your own landing a job, perhaps it’s time to call a career coach who will finesse your resume to ensure it gets read. Think of it as an investment into your future. The sooner you get a job, the better off you will be!
8) Say yes to everything! Say yes to whatever the Universe throws you because it will eventually lead to something you were looking for. And remember, nothing in this world lasts forever, including unemployment. Keep the faith!
9) Got any more tips? Leave them in the comments section!
I housesit for the week and live the life of someone more literary than I could ever expect to be. I housesit for a published author who decorates with books, titles I have never heard of. It makes me jealous. It makes me feel that I have accomplished nothing in my thirty three years.
I babysit for an afternoon for a mother of two who is a nurse in need of someone to watch her kids while she naps in preparation for her 12 hour shift. I lull a newborn back to sleep, look around an unkempt playroom and ask myself if I’m ready for this.
I often wonder what my life would look like no longer cloaked in fear. Jamie who never speaks up, never gets angry. Instead, I stew in my jealousy, a hearty broth of constantly comparing myself to others and wondering why I don’t have the same amount of happiness spilled onto other people.
The only thing I want my legacy to be is a baby and a book. Someone with eyes like mine to leave my journals to. I’ve documented every day of my life for the past thirteen years. Every. day. of. my. life. There has to be a book in there somewhere.
As long as I’m in Charlotte, I will always be alone. I have never known such loneliness than I have in the past five months. I spend so much time alone, practice for widowhood. My friends are too busy for me. It’s hard for an unemployed single girl to relate to tales of husbands, kids, jobs anyway. Empty-handed, I bring nothing to the conversation table. My family is distant in more ways than one. I live alone in a messy house in preparation for departure. I don’t know how or when, but I’m moving out of this State of Loneliness, no longer will my feet be planted in this Tar Heel State.
Meet my new best friend, Jamie Tworkowski, compassionate mind behind TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS. In his new book, If You Feel Too Much, he shares his personal struggles with depression and having a volatile relationship with his father while adoring his mother. An avid surfer, he lives in Florida, just thirty minutes from where my parents are. He’s accumulated a lot of stamps in his passport from traveling the world with his speaking engagements, pouring love and hope into the hearts and minds of the people who need it the most. All people need it. People need people, he writes. He is a big Ray LaMontagne fan. If you love someone, tell them.(I wrote a love letter yesterday to a man whom I believe is my soul mate.) He says that GOD gives a shit about you and there’s no shame in asking for help. There’s no pride in going it alone. We were not meant to be alone in our questions, our feelings, our joys. Don’t think that your friends and family are too busy for you and you would be a burden. Trust them enough to bring them your troubles.
At church Sunday, the pastor preached from Genesis that all the things God created in his week of Creation, it was all good until he saw that Adam was alone. It wasn’t good to be alone so enter Eve.
In this season of one job rejection after another, the worry barking outside my dog, begging to be let in, I need all the HOPE I can hold. There’s not much else we can cling to.
I wonder the distance between a love letter traveling from Here to There. I wonder where it is the day after I put it in the capable hands of the United States Postal Service. I wonder about the states that separate here from there. I wonder what other declarations of love its traveling with. I wonder if it’s nestled among a pile of “I miss you”s and “I love you”s, or if it’s mostly overdue bills, junk mail and slow-moving bad news. I wish I could scrawl ‘fragile’ over the contents of my heart like I did with the box I just mailed.
NSFW means nothing to the unemployed. Short of porn, I am looking at everything that has been labeled NSFW. It should be more like NSFPL (not suitable for public libraries) for poor folks who don’t live with Internet.
When cable was still a companion, I watched “Becoming Us” on the Family channel. And it was during an episode where young Ben gets a driving lesson from his former father that I wondered:
How soon in your transition from a man into a woman do you become terrible at driving?
Don’t worry, sweet readers, now that TV will no longer be a distraction, I will be more enticed to seek gainful employment and soon my blog posts will be full of new job antics!